I was never the type to rebel. I had been silenced so much growing up that confrontation terrified me, especially when it came to authority. I had learned to equate authority with my mother—with her sharp words and unpredictable reactions. I had a tendency to avoid conflict at all costs, fearing the verbal onslaught that could follow.
As I stepped into the professional world, I encountered difficult bosses. Some treated me unfairly, others wielded their authority in ways that felt personal. Despite my resentment, I remained dutiful, pushing through discomfort and striving to meet expectations. I never openly rebelled—I simply endured.
That is, until I met a particular boss during my time at the Government of Alberta. She had a habit of nitpicking, criticizing, and, at times, outright bullying me without cause. Looking back, I wonder if the intensity of my emotions were somehow linked to the unresolved tension I held with my mother.
In 2014, I stepped into a role previously held by someone with a terrible attendance record. Unfortunately for me, I fell ill frequently during my first year working there, battling recurrent bronchitis. My absences raised eyebrows, and before long, HR took notice. One day, my boss called me in to discuss my attendance. She presented an attendance management report indicating that I had used all my sick leave and had begun dipping into my vacation time.
I don’t remember her exact words, but something in her tone struck a nerve. It felt like a personal attack. I became frustrated and emotional, so I wrote an email—one that, in hindsight, I deeply regret. It was raw and reactive. To make matters worse, I had involved my union rep and HR, escalating the situation unnecessarily.
Regret settled in soon after. Realizing my mistake, I mustered the courage to apologize, attempting to mend the fractured relationship with my boss. But the damage had been done. The trust between us was broken, and the remainder of my time in that role felt like walking on eggshells.
Determined to regain some sense of stability, I began pushing myself to earn back her trust, even working through illnesses to prove how serious my bronchitis could be. For a while, she remained indifferent. But over time, I sensed a shift. Whether out of reluctant acknowledgment or quiet respect, she eventually seemed to regard my resilience with a measure of appreciation. However, the damage to my well-being had already been done.
This period was exhausting. I felt drained, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. The stress of proving myself, of trying to be seen and understood, left me questioning my self-worth and my ability to function in such a rigid environment.
In 2018, I moved on to a new role with a more supportive boss in a healthier environment. The contrast was stark. My new boss valued communication, trust, and well-being, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. However, the emotional toll of my previous experience lingered. My spiritual and mental well-being had taken a hit—compounded by unresolved struggles from my past.
By 2021, I realized that that season with the government sector was up. The weight of past experiences, the bureaucracy, and the lingering wounds from toxic workplaces had led me to make a difficult but necessary decision—to leave the Government of Alberta.
Looking back, I see the growth hidden within those struggles. That difficult chapter pushed me to confront my fear of authority, to recognize my emotional triggers, and, ultimately, to learn the art of self-advocacy. I began to understand that standing up for myself didn’t mean being reactive or defensive—it meant knowing my worth, setting boundaries, and choosing battles wisely.
If there’s one thing I take from this journey, it’s that fear-based endurance isn’t strength—true strength lies in knowing when to walk away, when to speak up, and when to prioritize your well-being. It’s a journey I’m still navigating, but one that has shaped me in ways I never expected—producing beauty out of the ashes of my past.🌹
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