You’ve probably heard the saying: “Do as you would be done by.” Or maybe the version you grew up with was “Treat others how you want to be treated.” Either way, it’s a classic. One of those simple rules that sounds easy but hits deep when you really think about it.
At its heart, it’s about empathy. It’s a reminder to slow down, check in with our humanity, and remember that the people around us—strangers, friends, coworkers, family—are just as real and complex and feeling as we are. It’s a beautiful way to move through the world. Kindness. Patience. Respect. The kind of stuff we all hope to receive, especially on the hard days.
But here’s the thing we don’t always talk about: doing as you would be done by also includes taking care of yourself. And that’s where boundaries come in.
Yes, kindness matters. But kindness without boundaries? That’s a shortcut to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. Being a good human doesn’t mean saying “yes” to everything, or being available 24/7, or letting people treat you however they want just because you want to be the “bigger person.”
Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and others—is to say no.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish. It actually reinforces the “do as you would be done by” mindset. Think about it: would you want someone to say yes to you out of guilt, or obligation, or fear of disappointing you? Or would you rather they be honest about what they can handle, and show up fully when they do say yes?
Boundaries keep our relationships honest and clean. They protect our energy, our peace, and our self-respect. And when we uphold them with love—not anger or defensiveness—they teach others how to treat us. They’re not walls; they’re fences with gates. Thoughtfully placed. Clearly communicated. Held with care.
So yes—be kind. Be thoughtful. Be generous. But also: check in with yourself. If you’re constantly running on empty because you’re trying to be “the nice one,” something’s off.
“Do as you would be done by” doesn’t mean pouring from an empty cup. It means treating yourself with the same compassion, patience, and respect that you offer everyone else. And from that place—that full, healthy, honest place—you can show up in the world in a way that’s genuinely good.
You’re allowed to be kind and clear. Loving and firm. Available and unavailable when you need to be.
That’s real self-respect. That’s real empathy. That’s how we build a world that actually works—for everyone.
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