Have you ever had dreams about past relationships—ones that weren’t even that meaningful, but for some reason they keep resurfacing? Recently, I found myself dreaming about old boyfriends. Not because I miss them, or because I secretly want them back, but because my heart is still working through what they meant.
The truth is, those relationships weren’t deep. They were surface-level, filled with uncertainty and half-hearted interest. At the time, I may have wanted them to be something more, but looking back, they were never the kind of love I truly desired
So why do they repeatedly show up in my dreams?
I think part of the answer has to do with the style of attachment I exhibited during those relationships.
For a long time, I leaned toward anxious attachment. That meant that rejection cut me deeply even when relationships were shallow, superficial, or unfulfilling. It wasn’t about the depth of the relationship—it was about the ache I felt in the wake of abandonment and not feeling chosen. So when these men pulled away or stayed “undecided,” it stirred up a storm inside me, even though in reality the connection wasn’t strong.
Looking deeper, I can see how this connects back to childhood. Rejection early in life—whether through a parent’s absence, neglect, or lack of emotional attunement—can shape the way we show up in relationships as adults. When you’ve internalized rejection as a child, it plants the lie that you’re unworthy of love or will eventually be left behind. That lie can follow you into adulthood and fuel anxious attachment, making even surface-level rejection feel earth-shattering.
Now, when those old relationships show up in my dreams, I realize they’re not about longing for the men themselves. They’re invitations to check in with my heart: Do I still carry the fear of not being enough? Do I still wonder if I’ll ever experience the kind of love I long for?
The dreams are less about the past and more about the future. They remind me not to settle for surface-level attention again, and instead to hold out for the kind of connection God designed me for: a relationship rooted in love, commitment, and depth.
Because here’s the truth: God never meant for us to live chained to old wounds or shallow affections. He promises, “No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11). If He created the longing in our hearts for a love that is safe, steady, and true, then He is more than able to fulfill it.
So the next time those old faces show up in my dreams, I won’t see them as a haunting from the past. I’ll see them as a reminder of how far I’ve come—and a declaration that the best is yet to come.
A Gentle Encouragement
If you find yourself revisiting old relationships in your dreams, ask yourself:
- What are these dreams inviting me to explore about my hopes and beliefs?
- Am I still settling for shallow, or am I preparing my heart for depth?
- Are there roots of rejection in my childhood that God still wants to heal so I can experience love freely?
Because one thing is certain: your story isn’t finished yet, and God’s version of love will always go deeper than anything you’ve known before.
Closing Prayer
Heavenly Father, I thank You for Your perfect love that sees every corner of my heart. I bring before You the moments of rejection I experienced and the ways they have shaped my adult relationships. Lord, I ask You to heal those wounds, to replace fear with peace, and lies with Your truth. Help me release the weight of feeling unworthy, unseen, or unloved.
Lord, I surrender my longing for love into Your hands. Teach me to trust that You are preparing a love for me that is deep, authentic, and rooted in Your plan. Strengthen my heart to recognize and embrace a relationship that reflects Your goodness, commitment, and care. Let my dreams become reminders of hope and healing, not fear or longing for what was never meant to be. Amen.
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