For much of my life, I believed that love and belonging were things I had to earn. I thought if I just tried hard enough—if I reached out, checked in, stayed available, and proved my loyalty—then the people I cared about would stay. Deep down, I was afraid of being forgotten, replaced, or left behind. That fear drove me to chase people in ways I didn’t even realize at the time.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand: when we spend our lives chasing others, we lose ourselves.
Chasing people often comes from a place of insecurity and unmet needs. For me, it was rooted in codependency and people-pleasing. I equated someone’s presence with my worth. If they responded, I felt valuable. If they pulled away, I questioned what was wrong with me.
This cycle left me exhausted. I was constantly pouring energy into relationships that weren’t mutual, and when people didn’t meet me halfway, I only ran harder toward them. The more I chased, the more I feared losing them, and the more I lost my peace.
It was only when I began practicing silence that things shifted.
At first, silence was uncomfortable. I was so used to filling the gaps with noise—texts, calls, social media interactions, over-explaining myself, apologizing when I didn’t need to. Silence forced me to confront the truth: my value doesn’t depend on who validates me.
In silence, I began to hear a different voice—the quiet assurance that I am already loved, already chosen, already enough. I didn’t need to earn a seat at anyone’s table. I didn’t need to beg for attention or chase after love.
Silence showed me that sometimes people walk away, not because I failed, but because their part in my story is finished. And that’s okay.
Letting go of the urge to chase doesn’t mean I don’t care about relationships. It simply means I no longer want them to come at the expense of my well-being. I want connections that breathe, not ones that suffocate. Relationships built on mutual respect and authenticity, not fear and desperation.
When I stopped chasing, I found a surprising gift: peace. Peace in knowing that the right people don’t need to be pursued—they stay. Peace in trusting that silence doesn’t equal abandonment, but sometimes healing. Peace in realizing that I am whole even when I stand alone.
Now, when I feel the old urge to run after someone’s attention, I pause. I remind myself that chasing never gave me what I truly wanted anyway. What I longed for was not just presence—it was love, stability, and safety. And those things can’t be forced.
Instead of grasping for control, I choose to release. I choose to trust that the right relationships will flow naturally, without me having to exhaust myself to hold them together. I choose to rest in silence, knowing that peace is more valuable than proximity to someone who isn’t meant to stay.
If this resonates with you, and you want to take this deeper in your own life, here are a few questions to sit with:
- When have I found myself chasing people, and what was I hoping to gain by doing so?
- How does silence feel to me—comforting, uncomfortable, or both? Why?
- What relationships in my life feel mutual and life-giving, and which feel one-sided or forced?
- How can I begin practicing peace instead of pursuit in my current season?
- What would it look like to release the need to chase and instead rest in the assurance that I am already enough?
Take time with these questions. Journal about them, or simply sit in stillness and let the answers rise gently to the surface.
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